"Self-care is sometimes mistaken for a selfish habit. In reality, it is a holy endeavor."
Just as the incarnation of Jesus Christ revealed God's great love for humanity, it is within the realm of human self-care that we also see the hand and heart of our Creator. But what does this truly mean and how can we strive to integrate care for self more fully into our everyday lives?
The Great Divide
For some, self-care may sound like indulgence, apathy or the antithesis of kindness and concern for the world outside of themselves. This line of thinking can come from a skewed perspective of religion and virtue that teaches selflessness as the ultimate way to please God.
However, genuine self-sacrifice is rooted in love, and the ability to love and serve others with vigor stems from the ability to first love and serve ourselves. In the same way that an airplane instruction demands we first put on our oxygen masks before aiding others, we need a strong sense of self in order to enrich the lives of those around us. As Father Richard Rohr emphasizes: "Nothing drops straight down from heaven; everything comes to us through physical bodies, physical relationships, physical institutions, and a physical earth" (1).
In other words, we are creatures of substance and we have needs. This truth stands whether we are acknowledging it or not. It is easy for us to lose focus on our own needs due to constant busyness, obligations, and societal expectations. We must accept that we do indeed require "filling up" in order to continue giving and flowing in the world. And that process, rooted in our natural state, is what I call self-care.
"When we take care of ourselves, we create a ripple effect that allows us to more effectively take care of those around us."
Understanding the Ripple Effect
Self-care allows us to begin understanding our worth and contributing to the world in a healthier way. When we take care of ourselves, we create a ripple effect that allows us to more effectively take care of those around us. It is both a personal practice and an act of service - a movement from me to we. When we can better regulate our own state of being, the result is a greater capacity to be present, attentive and generous to the people in our lives.
I’ll use a very practical example. As a mother, I sometimes forget to hydrate during my busy day. However, when I drink water regularly, I notice an elevated energy level and improved mood which consequently ripples out to my children. When I am depleted, I become irritable, tired and reactive. As a result, I am less present to my own family – I am effectively less available to my most precious ones.
Self-care does not suggest turning our back on the world and immersing ourselves in a bubble of selfishness. Instead, it simply encourages us to accept our needs and prioritize them, so as to then show up in the world more consistently full, available and present.
"Be kindly to yourself, as you would a vulnerable child."
The Beauty of Restoring Self-Love
Remembering our own dignity, and honoring and nourishing ourselves is an act of faith. It is also a creative challenge - a process. In times when I find myself overwhelmed by societal expectations and harsher inner dialogue, I return to the simple but profound truth that "God made me perfect in his eyes." This truth helps me reconnect with my intrinsic value and reminds me of my mission to "be love in the world."
As our faith life is a journey towards ever-increasing awareness and understanding of the infinite love of the Creator, the pursuit of self-care should be seen as a lifelong learning process, as well. As the renowned psychologist Carl Jung said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
So let's come back into the consciousness of our own self-care and recognize the importance of addressing our own needs. Be kind to yourself, as you would a vulnerable child. Watch over your mental health, your nutritional needs and your spiritual state. Remember that you, too, are a unique, beloved aspect of the created world, and you deserve tender attention and care.
In the end, a life focused on service does not exclude the need for self-care – rather, it requires it. I hope that these insights will encourage you to engage in this holy endeavor.
- Richard Rohr, "The Universal Christ: How a Rediscovery of Christ's Identity Can Transform Our Individual Lives and The Church," Convergent Books, 2019.
This article has been updated since its original publication to include updated syntax, links and formatting.
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